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[Sep. 27th, 2005|10:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
Hmmmm...I'm having a tough day today emotionally, but I am finding interesting tools to work with. For instance this new tool of Live Journal. How very cool. I just feel like I'm really pissed at God and flat out do not like the directions things are going in. I am so frustrated with life and I'm not sure why. Things by no means are going badly, I really am having a lot of gifts come my with a lot of creativity that is fueling my painting, extra money that is allowing me to ride horses and take lessons, and I have a job that is very cool with a lot of freedom. What's not to like? This is where I just beat myself up for whatever I'm feeling and what I "should be" feeling. I'm frustrated because I have gained a lot of weight in the past year after having released close to 40lbs. All that says to me is I'm using my crutch (addiction) to placate my fears and I cannot seem to really, truly rely on a Higher Power to relieve me of this bondage. What an ugly circle I manage to whip around in a frenzy. I am going to the Dr today to find out if a lot of what I am experiencing (with a lot of lethargy and low energy) is the result of my thyroid or maybe I am on the wrong anti depressant....dunno. I'm gong to sit down and make a gratitude list, remind myself of all the good shit that is happening in my life. Nice pity party! |
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